


Ice Fishin'

by SirKai



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Fishing, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-06
Updated: 2011-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-23 12:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirKai/pseuds/SirKai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What better way to spend an arctic getaway than by sitting around a hole and freezing your ass off?</p><p>This was a request I filled many months ago, though I can't recall exactly who made the request (perhaps Manic?).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ice Fishin'

"Come on now, boy. Everyone else is out havin' fun," the thickly accented man pleaded. "Hell, Heavy and the Doc already left to go campin'!"

But his audience sat still, not responding, only budging to continue flipping the pages of the thin comic book in his rubber-gloved hands. The Texan man peered over the shoulder of his teammate, who was always fully garbed in his field uniform, gas mask and all.

"What is that anyway? Robin Hood?" The Texan engineer asked.

"Rhss Ghhrrn Uhhhroo," the Pyro replied.

"Green Arrow? What kinda super hero name is that?" Engineer reached over and quickly snatched the comic book from his RED ally.

"Hrrry!" Pyro protested, sitting up. Engineer, pinched the binding with one hand, held the pages of the comic close to his face.

"Ain't much of a secret identity 'f ya ask me," the Texan commented. "Ain't gotta be many men in the world with beards like that. Hell the mask barely covers his eyes!"

"Grrrv rrt brrrck!"Engineer smoothly side stepped Pyro as he lunged for the comic book.

"No can do pardner. You been holed up for two days an' you got the rest of yer life to find out what happens to," Engineer trailed off, squinting into the pages. "...Ollie Queen." He craned his neck back and arched his brow in confusion. "Anyway, we ain't stationed in Viaduct but barely a week, Firebug. You gotta spend that time a little wiser." The Engineer closed the comic book shut and rolled it up. "Now let's go."

Defeated, Pyro threw his head back and groaned. "Ffrrrrrrrrn. Whrrt ehrr whhe dhhrn ehhnnywhhrry?"

"We're goin' ice fishin'."

\---

Two pairs of footsteps stretched from the Viaduct base for well over a mile as the RED Engineer and Pyro marched through the firm snow. The rolling hills of snow and ice became increasingly flatter as the two walked. Bundled in all manner of thick, mismatched winter clothing (but still donning his hardhat and goggles), Engineer trucked a packed satchel of supplies over his shoulder. To his right, Pyro marched, hunched over and arms crossed, with two seasoned fishing poles clenched in the crevices of his sleeves. Engineer absorbed a long, noisy breath through his nostrils, tilting his head back and closing his eyes in content before exhaling from his mouth.

"Feels damn good out here. I hadn't done any nature recreation since before mah contract, cept' fer camp fires. And the snowfall is just right too," Engineer said as he held out his mitten-wrapped hand. He conveniently left out how much the cold stung his face.

Pyro didn't respond. The disgruntled RED stared straight ahead as he continued his pace, stomping through the snow. Each visible breath he exhaled parted in rows from the filter in his gas mask.

"Come on now, don't be like that," Engineer said, relaxing his posture. "It ain't gonna hurt ya to get out a lil'. Ain't it nice to be able t' bond a bit aside from all that killin'?"

Pyro thought that 'all that killin'' provided plenty of solid bonding between him and his teammates. "Rrrhh ghrrrss..." he said slowly, humoring Engineer.

"Now that's more like it! Trust me, this is gonna be fun," the Engineer said with a smile. It was difficult for Pyro to deny that his spirits felt considerably lifted because of that hearty Texan grin.

The sheets of snow thinned as Engineer led his fire obsessed companion past the surrounding dunes of snow, revealing an enormous bed of thick, flat ice. Dozens of torso-wide holes littered the the surface of the frozen lake.

"Musta been quite a fishin' spot fer the locals 'fore and RED and BLU ran everyone off," Engineer explained as Pyro knelt down at the edge of a hole and peered inside. "But I reckon that saves us the trouble of drillin' ourselves." Engineer glanced over Pyro's shoulder. "Ice is at least twelve er thirteen inches thick. We definitely couldn't 'uv done this on our own." Pyro slowly stood up, still gazing into the drilled hole. "Come on Pyro, there's at least a hundred more to choose from."

\---

Sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, the RED Pyro and Engineer held their fishing poles steady above one of the countless drilled holes. The thin fishing wire from each rod swayed slightly from the light wind, creating tiny ripples across the dark water below.

"Thrss ssrrhckss," Pyro said.

"Yeah," Engineer sighed. "Ain't quite the catch I was hopin' for." the Texan laid down his battered fishing pole and unzipped his satchel. He retrieved a single half of a sandwich, wrapped tightly and sloppily in thin plastic. "You want one?" he offered, holding it up in front of Pyro.

The gas mask merely turned a few inches in his direction and stared blankly at Engineer, as if insulted.

"Awright, fine, more fer me I reckon."

"Uh-TAAAAAAAACK!"

The hairs on Engineer's skin practically leapt up, and he could feel the color evaporate from his face. The Texan would recognize that soul-shattering war cry anywhere. Spinning frantically, Engineer and Pyro stumbled to their feet across the slick ice (and Pyro haphazardly dropping his fishing pole, while Engineer let the sandwich fall to the ground) to face the direction of the shouting. Approaching the two in an action somewhere between furiously marching and outright sprinting, the BLU Soldier waved his signature entrenching tool above his helmeted head and continued his senseless shrieking. Bits of ice erupted from beneath his mysteriously jagged snow boots with each pounding step.

All the RED Engineer could do was curse feverishly in his mind. They were unarmed and on unfavorable terrain with no respawn, as their mortal enemy dashed (as possible as it was in snow boots) at them with his favorite killing tool. Engineer instinctively stood in front of his ally, and stared down his oncoming attacker. He could feel Pyro's gloved hands clenching the sleeves of his coat arms. The enemy Soldier's distance from them quickly shrunk, now barely a few meters away...

Smack!

In a sequence of events that happened faster than the Engineer could initially comprehend (which is quite a feat), the attacking BLU Soldier lay eerily still on the frozen lake surface. Stomach-down and face thoroughly pressured against the lake's frozen surface, the downed commando didn't move an inch.

"Rrss hrrr dherrd?"

Engineer barely heard Pyro's question, too busy mentally recalling the recent event of Soldier's hazardous boot failing to follow him out of the ice. The Texan held his arm out in front of Pyro, as he he cautiously tip-toed towards the body.

"Hey, uh, you alright there pard-"

"Of course I am you spineless Canuck!" the BLU Soldier shouted. Engineer's entire body recoiled backwards, slipping on the ice. He held out his arms to steady himself. "And even if I was brutally maimed by the entire filthy Nazi war machine, it's no business of any vile, thieving REDs!" Soldier aggressively yanked his afflicted boot free from the ice (which, upon further inspection, was wrapped in arrow heads and barbed wire), and hopped to his feet to face his adversaries with gritted teeth, legs apart, and the shovel still clenched tightly in his bare hands.

"I dunno Solly," Engineer started, pointing at the bleeding abrasion that claimed most of the BLU Soldier's right cheek. "That looks like it might get infe-"

"I am no Solly! I do not answer to any socialist pet names!"

"Alright, alright!" Engineer pleaded, lowering his arm. "We ain't lookin' fer trouble. We're just fishin'."

"Suuure you are, Toymaker. What schemes are you degenerate REDs up to now!? Dementia weapons!? Psychological warfare!? Your lies are so transparent I can see the ground right through you! It is as dirty as your soul!"  
Even for the enemy Soldier, this line of accusation was confusing, Engineer thought. Dementia? What was the nutcase going on about?

"Hey, you ain't," Engineer hesitated. "You ain't lost, are you Solly?"

"Lost!?" Soldier said, his head perking up. "I do not get lost! I am only tricked by devious, conniving vermin!"

Engineer struggled to stifle his laughter. "It's okay if you got yerself lost, Solly. You can follow us back to Viaduct later if ya like. It's too dangerous to wander around out here alone an' not knowin' where ya are."  
The Texan could feel Soldier's eyes studying him through his oversized helmet. "Look, we're not on duty at the moment, and we ain't contracted to fight without repsawn. It's not right, an' I'm not here in the business of letting anyone freeze to death out here."

Soldier remained rock still, only stimulating his lungs to breathe, with his hands nervously tightening and re-tightening his fingers around the handle of his shovel. Slowly lowering the shovel and carefully pulling his legs together, Soldier reluctantly agreed. "Alright, but if you try any funny business, I will kick both of your asses so hard your GRANDPARENTS will feel it in their graves!" Engineer flinched as Pyro's fingers began pinching his flesh tighter.

"Do we look like Spahs to you?" Engineer said with a nervous smile as he pried Pyro's gripped hands from his arm. Soldier muttered something tenebrous under his breath as he stepped towards the two REDs.

"Fishing, huh?" Soldier asked, approaching the hole in the ice.

"Yep, no luck yet though," Engineer said regretfully with a sigh. "I reckon we'll give it another hour or so 'fore we head back. I hope ya don't mind waitin'." He casually stuck his hands into his coat pockets.

Soldier bent over and picked up the sandwich that had fallen onto the ice. Bits of thin plastic had been peeled away. "This your's?"

"Uhh," Engineer hesitated, and shooting a glance back at Pyro (who was now sitting back at the edge of the drilled hole, preparing the lure on his fishing rod) "Nah, you can have it if you want. The Firebug didn't seem interested."

"Thanks, Engie!" Soldier said. His face beamed with a wide grin as he began tearing the seal away from the bread. "That's why I always liked you!" The Texan nodded, awkwardly scratching the back of his head in a feigned display of pride. He had no earthly clue what the BLU Soldier was talking about. Soldier devoured the sandwich in four large bites, barely taking the time to savor the taste of the turkey, cheese and other condiments before swallowing them nearly whole. "Outstanding!" Soldier praised with an enthusiastic arm pump upon finishing. He aggressively squashed the plastic wrapping in between his hands and threw it over his shoulder.

"So uh," Engineer started, turning his eyes back to Pyro. The masked team member sat cross legged with one hand holding the fishing pole steady above the water, and the other propping up the snout of his gas mask. He turned back to Soldier. "You wanna join us, then? You can use mah rod if ya like."

Soldier knelt down and picked up the fishing pole. As he stood back up, the commando let it rest in his palms, as if it were a valued, antique weapon. "I've... never fished before," Soldier admitted quietly with his head lowered.

"Ah hell, ain't no thing!' Engineer reassured him. "Here, lemme show ya!" Engineer proceeded to explain what he called the 'science' of fishing. Sitting at the edge of the jagged ice with his turkey bait and hook in the water for a moment, the BLU commando couldn't help but express disappointment

"So we just... sit here, Engie?" Soldier asked.

"Yep," Engineer replied, settling himself in between Pyro and Soldier.

"Why don't we just use grenades?"

"Because-" Engineer started, attempting to sew together some logic in his head. "Just because! That ain't how ya fish! Honestly, don't you two ever just relax and do somethin' fer the sake of doin' it?" His eyes darted between Soldier and Pyro.

"No," they replied bluntly in unison (though Pyro's "no" was considerably more muffled). Engineer grunted in frustration and threw his arms up.

"Fine, you fellas can be as unrefined as ya'll want. I'm gonna go make us a fire." Engineer snatched up the satchel behind him as he stood up, and strolled several yards away (passing over a small smear of blood left by the enemy Soldier), as if to distance himself from the lesser folk. Soldier and Pyro glanced at each other and shrugged. The Texan muttered to himself as he dumped out the small hunks of fire wood from his bag, and began arranging them together on the ice. The two fishermen merely spectated in confusion.

"Damn it," Engineer cursed as he padded down his coat and pants pockets. "Hey Pyro," he called out back towards the fishing hole. "Ya got a lighter on ya?"

"Hrrrmmm..." Pyro popped open the black pouch on his belt and retrieved a gold plated zippo lighter. "Hhrrrr!"

Engineer steadily rose from his padded knees. "Thanks Firebug!" Walking back towards the fishing hole, Engineer ceased his casual pace as his entire skeletal structure went rigid with fear. The Texan had enough experience in all sorts of mechanics and construction to immediately recognize that terrifying sensation; his footsteps feeling heavier, sensing the terrain bend lightly beneath his weight, hearing the almost inaudible, but absolutely present hollowness beneath each step, like tip-toeing across a pane of glass. He looked down to see his foot only inches away from the remains of Soldier's final sprinting step of his crudely constructed snow boots; the same step that had trapped the BLU's foot in the ice, and forced him face first onto the icy surface (the red proof of which was only a few feet before the Texan).

Crunch!

Engineer barely had the time to wedge the realization together before seeing his entire right leg vanish beneath the ice, while painfully collapsing onto his other knee. Like watching the tail end of a fatal lightning strike form around him in slow motion, the RED Engineer eyed dozens of tiny spidering cracks and crevices surround him and branch out in all directions. He could swear the accompanying sound he heard was the ice laughing at him.

It was an empty state-of-mind that the Texan couldn't equate to anything else, as if he still hadn't even processed what was happening. He felt like a spectator; some soulless audience who wasn't able to apply a defining sensation or opinion to the event. He felt like he should be scared, horrified for his life, but from the indifference of his mind came two words, uttered purely on reflex.

"Aw hell."

Crash!

As if triggered completely by those words, the ice surrounding Engineer seemingly exploded. He instinctively gasped for air at the immediate piercing, filling his throat and lungs with the deathly fluid. He clamped his eyes shut, feeling it creep beneath his goggles and incessantly stinging his eyelids. Thousands of knives, pins, needles, all furiously stabbing at every conceivable inch of flesh on Engineer's body. He thought knew what it was like to be stabbed. Now, there was no respawn. He was flailing helplessly, no sense of direction or placement, feeling only that he was sinking. Now he was afraid.

God, what a horrible way to die.

\---

"Hrrnnngghhiee!"

Pyro clumsily darted to his feet from the fishing hole. The masked RED nearly slipped from his booted heels as he frantically sprinted towards the massive crater in the ice. Sliding across his knees to the edge, it only took the instant realization that Engineer wasn't at the surface to convince Pyro to hop to his feet. He hunched over the water like a predator (albeit a frightened and shaking one), readying a lethal strike against his pray.

"Hold it, you RED menace!" Soldier called out. Pyro barely acknowledged that the BLU still existed, much less cared about anything he said.

Pyro hated the water, and he hated the cold. He even hated the sweat that secreted from his own body. He sheltered his mind from everything, clearing it except for the one action he wanted his body act on. He had to act.

Throwing his hands above his head, he dived head first into the lake. The firm slap of his suit colliding with the water was immediately drowned out by the intense rush of... fire. There was no other sensation the RED could mistake it with. He was burning. The water pried itself through the openings in Pyro's suit; underneath his gloves, through his boots, and quickly filling his gas mask from the filter. The fluid encompassed his entire face, scorching his flesh like he was being assaulted with a greasy stove-top cooking pan. He couldn't keep his eyes open (not that he could see anything at all).

Pyro swam, intently guiding his body down with his arms and kicking his feet methodically. He was in more pain than he could ever remember. He never thought any burn could feel so inexplicably white-hot. Keep swimming, Pyro told himself. He kept his arm strokes wide, stretching his fingers out to feel for anything solid. Pyro felt his lungs convulse and resist. He never wanted to breathe so much in his life.

\---

Crouched at the edge of the jagged hole, Soldier intently monitored the surface of the water.

"Come on, Pyro," he muttered. It had to have been at least a full minute since the RED Engineer had fallen into the water, there was no way-

Splash!

Sending the Soldier stumbling and sliding back in surprise, a single dark mitten, thoroughly soaked, bursted from beneath the lake's surface. The hand bobbed about limply atop the shaking wrist.

"Engie!" The BLU commando leapt back to the edge and reached his arm towards the hand. He almost physically recoiled from the chill upon grasping the wrist. Damn that's cold water, Soldier thought. Stamping his crude boots aggressively into the ice, Soldier quickly pulled the Texan's arm to the edge and began heaving the body from the frigid ice. More of the man emerged from the water, inch-by-inch, as Soldier dragged him onto the frozen surface. Clutching the Engineer's arm at the elbow was a dark, thick rubber glove. Soldier snatched up the second arm with his other hand. "Grrr," the BLU grunted. "Come on you maggots!" Soldier tensed his arms, leaning back and began curling his fists towards his chest, each one fiercely trapping an enemy RED. "GRRRRRAAAAAHHHH!" In one exhausting, fluid motion, Soldier heaved the two men from the lake. Their soaked bodies harshly slapped the solid ice. Water gushed from Pyro's gas mask and gloves, quickly leaving only a dribbling amount of fluid running from the filter of his snout. He doubled over, panting rampantly on his knees. Soldier lay on his back, breathing heavily, his arms turning to mush.

"Hhhrnnggie!" the RED ordered, pointing at Soldier. His words crawled in between gasping breaths. "Chrrk... ohhrn... Hrnngie..." Pyro collapsed onto the ice, his bare flesh resting in the remaining pools of water inside his suit. Soldier nodded at the Pyro, sliding over to the still Texan.

"Hey, Engie!" the commando called, cradling the unconscious man in his arms. Soldier began lightly slapping his cheeks back and forth. Bits of water erupted from Engineer's mouth with each blow."Hey! Wake up you filthy coward! You think you can escape my wrath so easily? Hey!" Soldier started shaking the Texan more violently. "Goddammit! I said wake up! Can't you REDs follow orders!?"

\---

Engineer's arms and legs stirred lightly against a series of unknown fabrics. He emitted a light groan from his burning throat. His eyes burned. God, his entire body burned. He couldn't pry his eyelids open. Instead, the Texan only felt comfort in the mysterious warmth against his face. The Engineer opened his mouth in attempt to call out to someone, but only exerted a series of harsh, painful coughs. He felt like he was waking up from a violent car accident.

"Doktor! Engineer is avake!"

Heavy?

There were those methodically paced, deliberate footsteps that the Texan would recognize anywhere. They grew louder and louder.

"Engineer?"

Rubber-gloved fingers prodded at his face and lifted his head. The doctor's thumbs applied pressure just beneath his eyebrows, slowly lifting the eyelids.

"Ugghh," Engineer groaned, seeing the night sky replace the insides of his eyelids. He watched that recognizable figure slowly come into focus in front of the fiery blur of the campfire; dark hair, eye glasses, white coat... "Doc?" His voice crept painfully out of his throat in nary but a gravelly whisper. A larger man with far less hair appeared over Medic's shoulder, peering at Engineer.

"Is Engineer alright?" Heavy asked.

"He'll live," Medic said, as he placed an arm behind Engineer's back forced him to painfully sit forward. "However, if respawn doesn't duplicate his state before zhe accident, he vill bed ridden for avhile..."

The southern man could barely discern the words being relayed. Staring down at himself, he was wrapped in a familiar blue piece of clothing, and clearly the Doc's much-too-large shirt and trousers. He tilted his head down towards the sleeve of the coat, and saw that unmistakable rocket-themed emblem illuminated by the light of the fire. Even the slight smirk the Engineer elicited felt physically damaging.

Thanks, Solly.

"Vell," the RED Medic said, sitting down next to Engineer. "You should consider yourself extraordinarily lucky, Engineer. Pyro vas incredibly brave to go in after you."

Engineer recalled the ice shattering beneath him, the unforgettable pain that wracked his body as he fell into the water, but there was nothing after.

"Apparently zhe BLU Soldier vas... considerate enough to get you breazhing again," Medic continued. The mental image of Soldier performing mouth-to-mouth almost prompted a chuckle from the Texan. "He also spared his coat for you. You and zhe Pyro can befriend some... unlikely characters." Medic adjusted his glasses.

Engineer gazed through the top of the flickering fire. Yards away, sitting contently side-by-side, the BLU Soldier and RED Pyro continued fishing at the same drilled hole. The BLU commando was wrapped in a grey blanket.

"Zhey started a fire to get you varmed up, I suppose," the doctor explained. "Heavy and I saw zhe smoke on zhe vay back to zhe base. Ve vere lucky to have some extra supplies vhiz us."

In the distance, Engineer watched as Soldier threw off his blanket and jumped to grab hold of Pyro's fishing rod. Medic and Heavy shifted around at the BLU's offensive series of aquatic slurs and insults. "You filthy, bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking water worm! You are nothing more than a slightly evolved brand of ma-AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

Soldier stumbled backwards onto the ice as Pyro performed the finishing jerk on the fishing line. An enormous fish splashed out of the water and onto the icy lake surface. Engineer could hear Pyro laughing at the BLU Soldier in between exhausted gasps.

"Whhrrt's hhrr mhhtthhr?" Pyro asked playfully.

"That thing is a mistake of nature! It will swallow us all whole!" Soldier yelled, pointing at the giant fish flopping helplessly on the ice.  
"Nhrr hrr whhrrn't!" Pyro bent over the fish and scooped it up in both arms, pinning the fish tightly to his chest. The masked RED gasped as he looked over at the camp fire and eyed the conscious Texan. "Hrnghie!" He broke out into nearly a full sprint across the slippery ice, rotating his torso rapidly with each step as if to compensate for the inability to swing his arms. Pyro skidded to a halt next to the camp fire. "Lhhrk! Lhhrk!"

"Ah see that Firebug," Engineer whispered, his voice raspy. Speech was excruciating, but damn if he didn't have it in him to humor his friend. "That's a... a mighty fine catch ya got there."

Pyro nodded frantically, (presumably) beaming down at the gasping fish. The scale of the dark fish stretched from the snout of Pyro's mask down to the bottoms of his boots. Soldier arrived at the camp fire, throwing the blanket back over his sleeveless-shirt. He had gained a large, reddened bandage across his wounded cheek.

"Well, now that we're... all here," Engineer said. "Ah reckon we can cook that massive feller up. Should feed all of us." The lenses of Pyro's mask shot from the face of the wall-eyed fish to that of the Texan's.

"Whhrt?" Pyro whimpered.

"Eat him... Pyro," Engineer repeated. "We're gonna... cook him up and have dinner." Pyro's arms constricted the fish tigher.

"Nhhvhhrrr!" Pyro yelled. Turning tail to the camp fire, he quickly waddled back to the fishing hole released his arms wide open. The fish twisted and turned in the free fall, hitting the water with a distinct smack.

"Heh, guess we're... goin' hungry t'night."


End file.
